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Where is the support for mothers grieving miscarriage?

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by Lane Koch, opinion contributor - 05/12/26 12:00 PM ET

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by Lane Koch, opinion contributor - 05/12/26 12:00 PM ET

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Today, miscarriage seems a taboo topic in American society. Most women, and certainly most men, know almost nothing about either the experience itself or the resources available, unless they have undergone it themselves.

That was certainly true for my husband and me.

When we found out we were pregnant with our first child, about 15 years ago, we were over the moon. We took photos with our pregnancy test, started thinking of baby names, planned the nursery, and added items to our baby registry. That was until around 13 weeks, when at a routine appointment, my doctor told me my hormone levels were so low I needed a progesterone supplement to sustain the pregnancy. Just a week later, she informed me that I was miscarrying my child.

I had specifically chosen a Catholic hospital because they do not perform abortions, though my doctor still let me know I could go next door to another hospital if I wanted one. As Christians, my husband and I were determined that God would have the final word. We went home and prayed for God to save our child, but ultimately for His perfect will.

At my next appointment, I was told there was no heartbeat and was pressured to get a “dilation and curettage” procedure to remove a baby from the my womb. I declined, knowing errors occur in medicine all the time. My baby could still be alive.

My doctor gave me two weeks to wait at home, so I endured, planning to check back in on possible life-threatening infection.

Throughout that process, no one in my doctor’s office told me what to do with our child once he had passed. I know now that there are nonprofits that provide dignified burial options or red biohazard bags. But at the time, I didn’t know any of that, and looking back, I wish those resources had been integrated into the “care plan.”

One of the most emotionally difficult parts of the experience was the complete lack of support offered to my husband and me. There was no system or kit provided, and no information about burial options. To me, that was stunning. If a he doctor in my Catholic hospital could offer me abortion resources, she could — and should — have offered resources to nonprofits and ministries that help mothers who are facing infant loss.

Unfortunately, the utter lack of support wasn’t unique to me. A friend who had also experienced miscarriage told me that, often, women in this situation are left with no other option than to flush the remains of their child — an incredibly torturous emotional reality.

These experiences illustrate the need for a federal “Bereaved Parents’ Rights Act,” which would require grieving parents receive information about the support available to them. And that is why my organization, SFLAction, worked with Sen. Roger Marshall (R-Kan.) and Rep. Kat Cammack (R-Fla.) on legislation, soon to be introduced. Co-sponsors are lining up.

For far too long, the mainstream culture and medical establishment have turned a blind eye to this matter. Worse, many have intentionally conflated and confused the fundamentally different medical realities of “abortion” and “miscarriage.” A miscarriage is the unintended natural loss of a child who has died in the womb, whereas an elective abortion is the deliberate termination of a living child. Any effort to equate the two is misleading, tainting the profound grief of mothers experiencing miscarriage.

These are distinct experiences, morally, medically and emotionally, and equating them harms women.

All 50 states require care to protect the life of the mother, but when a child is lost, all medical practitioners should also be required to offer dignified burial and miscarriage kits to mothers, not only providing emotional support but also preventing the trauma of leaving parents to figure it out alone.

Fifteen years later, I still grieve. I regret not knowing what to do and having to mournfully discard our deceased child’s body in the trashcan. If burial solutions were made commonplace, I believe that we would have far less postpartum depression.

My story of personal pain underscores the vast need when it comes to miscarriage care and resources. Ten to 20 percent of known pregnancies end in miscarriage; these mothers deserve support. Society constantly focuses on offering resources to women who choose abortion. It is time we do the same for women who choose to let their preborn children live but lose them anyway.

Lane Koch is vice president of Students for Life Action, with more than 1,600 groups on middle and high school, college and universit