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Mental Health

2 Beliefs That Prevent Us From Working Through Big Emotions

Author: Emma Seppälä, Ph.D.

May 12, 2026

Psychologist

By Emma Seppälä, Ph.D.

Psychologist

Emma Seppälä, Ph.D. is the science director of Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education, as well as the author behind The Happiness Track.

Image by Olga Moreira / Stocksy

May 12, 2026

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We bind ourselves to our emotions when we suppress and numb our feelings. We're afraid of feeling uncomfortable emotions, and in the process of avoiding them, we suffer and get addicted to habits that are destructive.

Ironically, the more we try to avoid our emotions, the more we're stuck with them. Yet we keep falling for flawed beliefs that keep us stuck in this cycle.

1.Leave your emotions at the door

Historically, Western society has considered feelings childish and weak. Emotions don't matter. Don't bring them into the workplace. And for goodness' sake, pull yourself together and don't let them spill out all over the place. Leave your emotions at the door.

This belief is a joke because emotions are not like shoes you can slip off. You can't take something off that's on the inside. And, ironically, the more we try to ignore our emotions and stuff them away, the more they keep us captive, sitting on the throne of our life, ruthlessly running the kingdom.

Sure, research shows some people are more emotional than others, but research also shows everyone feels emotions, and this is true regardless of gender, age, or culture. Laughter, crying, sorrow, despair, stress, joy, calm, frustration, anger, peace—we've all felt them.

Since they are often considered frivolous or inappropriate—especially the negative ones—you may have buried them, hidden them, swallowed them, or used any number of substances to squash them, maybe even to the point that you aren't even aware of them, but they most definitely are there.

Even if you could leave emotions at the door, you'd need a lot of doors because you experience emotions every minute of the day. Right now, I hope you're interested, curious, entertained, and excited to read on, but earlier, you might have checked your phone briefly, and that brief moment might have elicited an avalanche of feelings:

- An angry text from your partner stressed you out

- A request from your boss made you anxious

- A post on social media gave you FOMO

- A notification that you spend four hours/day on your phone depressed you

See that? Five emotions in a moment. BOOM. It's guaranteed that our ancestors didn't have to deal with even a fraction of the number of emotions in a day we do in a few minutes, thanks to our technology.

Research by Rob Cross, professor of global leadership at Babson College, shows just how these small stressful experiences—which he appropriately calls "microstressors"—can accumulate and create a toll on our minds and bodies.

Although nothing really "big" happened, you are wondering why you feel like you've been through a war zone by the end of the day.

Each emotion—especially negative ones—is a micro-drain on you. It's fatiguing. And it's even more draining when you have to pretend it's not there—which we'll discuss next.

2.Suppress your emotions

I've asked audiences from around the world what their society taught them to do with their big, bad negative emotions.

I invite you to think about your answer to this question before reading on.

Most audience members' answers go something like this:

- Hide feelings and pretend not to feel upset

- Bottle them up

- Stuff 'em down

- "Suck it up, buttercup!"

Stuffing emotions seems to be a quasi-universal phenomenon and expectation. I say quasi because an audience member once pointed out that this was not the case for his southern Italian family, where vehement emotional expression is considered good for the heart.

However, even if you're from an emotionally expressive family or culture, you undoubtedly have to deal with suppressors and personal moments of suppression.

Take a minute to think about this question: How is suppression working out for you?

Tragically, although suppression is the No. 1 most popular technique people use to handle difficult emotions, it is also the absolute worst and most unsuccessful one. Research shows it makes you feel worse, damages your health, and, ironically, ruins the very relationships you're trying to maintain.

Suppression leads to a host of unfortunate outcomes, including having fewer close friends, more negative emotions, less social support, lower satisfaction with life, poorer memory, and elevated blood pressure.

Depressing, I know, especially given how practiced we are at it. To top it off, it doesn't work! Research shows that suppressing emotion