Close Banner

Parenting

Do You Experience Joy As A Parent? If Not, You Should Read This

Author: Lia Avellino, LCSW

April 13, 2026

Parenting Writer

By Lia Avellino, LCSW

Parenting Writer

Lia Avellino, LCSW, CEO of Spoke Circles, is trained as a relational and somatic psychotherapist and supports individuals and groups in being real and vulnerable.

Image by Ridofranz / iStock

April 13, 2026

We carefully vet all products and services featured on mindbodygreen using our commerce guidelines. Our selections are never influenced by the commissions earned from our links.

In mindbodygreen's parenting column, Parenthetical, mbg parenting contributor, psychotherapist, and writer Lia Avellino explores the dynamic, enriching, yet often complicated journey into parenthood. In today's installment, Avellino talks about your joy.

I recently released a poll for my Instagram community of parents asking “do you live your life as if your joy matters?” nearly 40% of parents replied that they do not. This statistic felt both shocking and unsurprising to me.

In a culture that greatly benefits from the work of caregivers, it is still deeply undervalued–emotional and domestic labor often goes underpaid and underacknowledged. Additionally, we are being inundated with parenting advice that positions our children at the center of our lives. We are purchasing courses to support us in being who our children need us to be. We are spending our therapy sessions discussing our children.

While I am relieved we live in a time that normalizes parenting guidance, one question that I believe is lost on us is: where does delight, both in our own lives and in our children, fall in the life of a parent in 2026?

My journey to joy as a parent

I have always garnered a lot of meaning from parenting 3 children—my life felt full and chock full of purpose—however it was hard to feel joyful at times. This felt ironic to me. Here I was, gifted with these silly, adorable, playful beings, and I felt less joy.

It was also difficult to find joyful mothers that I identified with—not to be overly reductive but I found many of the ones I met fell into two camps: the ones that were obsessed with talking about their children and the ones that couldn’t wait to get away from them.

I didn’t feel like I fell into either category. I love my children and I love my life without them, too. I have spent nearly 8 years, raising 3 daughters, attempting to fill in the circles of the venn diagram, finding the lines between what brings them joy, what joy do we experience together, and where my pleasure lies outside of family life.

Here are 5 questions I sat with and support my clients in sitting with as they navigate the important work of parent/child relationship–prioritizing connection, but not at the expense of the self.

1.Parenting is hard, but should it be that hard?

I love that we are living in a cultural moment where the work, and sometimes pain, of motherhood is being exposed. Books like Nightbitch, The Motherload, Splinters made me feel validated on my sad days, the days I wished I didn’t have to live with a split, the ones when I wanted more time for myself than I had.

There are so many reasons why parenting is hard. We live in a country without paid leave for parents, expensive childcare support, racism and bigotry that require parents to live in fear about the safety of their children, the list goes on. However, I meet many parents that could be having more fun—going out with their friends or partners, planning experiences around their joy—but they don’t.

Self-sacrifice, even if displeasing, becomes familiar. Additionally, parents feel a lot of pressure to be hands-on and involved almost constantly—jumping on the trampoline, allowing their children to paint their face, and accompanying them to internship interviews. This generation of parents is spending more time and money on their children than past generations. While an increase in emotional investment can be hugely beneficial to child development, I asked myself the question: are you doing this from a place of fear of messing them up or replicating your own childhood dynamics—or because you value it and like it?

It can be helpful to observe yourself and your kids.

- Is this time feeling connected or is it feeling pressured?

- Are you compromising the quality of time for the compulsion of quantity?

For example, some parents tell me they don’t want to get childcare after school, but also report being on their phones while with their kids consistently. Check in with your kid and inquire about how they’re feeling about the time together as another data point.

Additionally, consider what you both find fun. There are games that I really don’t like to play and I will say “I am not in the mood” or “I don’t like that game,” and I offer up things we both like, for example a dance party or baking. Consider how you can meet your kids' needs, without abandoning yourself.

2.Is the road to betterment